i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
