Do you still have your period?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
