dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
