Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
