that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
