And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
