somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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