That's intense
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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