I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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