when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
