I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
