She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Are we still banned from the library?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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