I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
