so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
