dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
