He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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