If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
