WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
