Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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