nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
two words...techno handjob
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
