May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
