Umm I'm too high to move.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
