so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
