i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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