Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Is it penis luge time yet?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
