She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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