my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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