This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
