Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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