Don't you send me to vm
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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