every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
