just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
