She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
