These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
A+ Viking dick
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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