My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
As shirtless as possible
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
