I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
