So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
