It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
