The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
