I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
