so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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