the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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