so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
