Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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