did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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