Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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