I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
