Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
