After last night, I could never be a politician.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
