He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
