just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
