I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
