Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
