You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
